I always find myself looking for something else in every relationship I had.  As if something is always missing and it took me several years to figure out if what it is.

I was missing myself, I was lost. I don’t know the real me. And nothing can replace the emptiness I felt inside.  Even a good or not so good romantic relationship, my relationship with my friends or family.  Don’t get me wrong some of my exes are still friends with me, I have few chosen wonderful friends and a beautiful family. It’s not them it’s me.

At times I was passive or controlling to them, jealous and willing to do anything for them.  I was afraid to lost them. I hold on to them too tightly.  Sometimes I even pretend to be something I am not, just for them to like me.

It’s an agonizing experience for my soul. It’s so painful. Until I was awakened and became aware of all these that is happening in my life. I have to be truthful first to myself and ask questions like What do I really felt? what are those things that makes me happy or sad? What do I really want without considering what my family or friends would tell me? What is my purpose in life? Who I really am without the attachments to what other people would say about me? And it’s not easy to find the answers. It takes real courage to face my true self.

Slowly I began confronting my fears, my issues and beliefs. And I found out that in order to truly love other people I have to learn to love and respect my self first. I have to set boundaries and speak my truth. And right now I’m still in that process. Sometimes I still find my self wanting to please other people and conform to their idea of who I should be. But I also make a commitment to myself to always try to listen to my inner being. Because it knows what I really want, there lies the truth, the light and the answers to all my questions. Therefore I AM.