What I learned from 3 days fasting

I am writing this right after consuming a box of chocolate in one sitting for almost 10 minutes maybe. Two days has pass since I’ve fasted and now I find myself indulging in sweets again and I feel I had failed once again.

You see I am an emotional eater, being an Empath and feeling things deeply doesn’t help either. I always had this complicated relationship with food. I don’t only see it as a means to nourish my body but it is also my source of comfort every time I feel any unwanted emotion. Bored about my work, let me have this bag of chips. Feeling hurt, chocolates will certainly do the trick. Bombarded by the energy of people around me and can’t bear them all, this cookie, cake, pizza or ice cream will certainly help, etc, etc. Or in other case also if I am surrounded by my family and friends enjoying our time together and having good food, I was then eating unconsciously.

I believed its okay to consume everything in moderation. The problem with me is that once I started eating, I can’t stop anymore until I am totally full and realized I have consumed more than what my body needed. It is almost an everyday struggle especially with sweets and junk foods. Although it doesn’t affect my weight, but it certainly did affect my skin especially my face. Also I can sense something is going wrong with my digestive system. Not to mention the emotional highs and lows I experience after I indulged with these kinds of food.  I am aware how our food intake affects our physical, mental and spiritual being but most of the time I have the tendency to put it aside. I want to improve my awareness with how I consume my food and at the same time detoxify my mind and body. I also want to include it in my reflections this year and to help me set my goals for next year.

I came across this article in the internet explaining the benefits of water fasting and decided to give it a try. I already tried green juice fasting before and consumed raw foods along side with it but this time I opted on taking only water. My original plan was for 5 days but I only make it to three days. Below describes my experience.

 

DAY 1

I don’t mind having an empty stomach in the morning since I am used to having green juice or some fruits only for breakfast. And during our lunch break, I just sleep so I don’t have much time to think about food. But later in the afternoon, I keep asking myself if I really need to do this, I still have time to call it off and have dinner. And speaking of dinner I imagined grilled fish for main dish and cheesecake for dessert. Yum!

Okay forget about dinner, I decided to go on fasting. I feel a little bit light headed but in general my body is fine. I extended some hours in the office; it helps distract my mind from thinking about food. Later in the evening, I drink a cup of warm water with lemon, ginger and turmeric and had stomachache after. I think I should only drink pure water.

DAY 2

I don’t have the energy to get up in bed this morning my body felt shaky and have headache. I cannot focus during my meditation and also at work. Yesterday I didn’t drink a lot of water so today I will make sure I had enough of it. At lunch time, I’m almost tempted to take a bite of an apple. This afternoon, I can’t stop thinking about the delicious food I’ve tasted all my life and I was salivating.

Then on the evening, I made a call with my mother and she told me about the food they prepared earlier this day for my sister’s birthday. Haha nice timing, my brain is screaming for food now! I still had headache and I went to bed at 8pm, it’s so early and I wish to have a taste of food in my dream tonight at least.

DAY 3

I have more energy now when I wake up, maybe because of my dream last night, haha. I dreamed that I was eating spaghetti prepared by my mother which is one of my favorite. I don’t have headache anymore but my stomach hurts a little bit but it was gone when I started drinking water this morning. I notice I become more productive today, as I don’t have to spend time thinking what food to eat next. I’m more focus in the present moment and not trying to count the days when my fasting will end.

Later in the afternoon I had palpitations and I was gasping for how many minutes but I was fine after. I’m already thinking of ending my fast tomorrow, I’ll see how it goes.

 

The next day, I wake up at 4 am not feeling well. I prepare a soup and felt good after eating them. I was consuming it little by little in the entire morning since my body is still adjusting in digesting solid food again. Then at lunch I had light meal and in the evening I eat normally again. And the food taste so good I had so much appetite and I started eating sweets again.  But I had more awareness now, once I feel I already had enough I stop eating anymore. Also I can easily notice which food makes my body feel something is off. It’s a sign for me not eat them again. But I must admit this is not an easy thing to do especially if I’m used to eating them. It’s always a struggle and I still had a long way to go. I also notice my facial skin becomes a little bit clearer and emotionally I felt lighter and more in tune with the flow. I may say something has shifted.

But not until last night when I was releasing a certain emotion and today I turn again to binge eating a box of chocolate. I really didn’t feel good after, and I was feeling so guilty but I realized it won’t help if I continue beating myself up. I need to be more patient with myself; if I truly want to change it won’t happen instantly. It’s a matter of falling in between and standing up once again. It’s having strength to keep moving forward amidst all struggles because you have faith that you will have what you wanted at the end.  It’s also a process of trial and error, understanding which work and which doesn’t. And this applies to every goal and dream I have in my life. Now that was one of my reflections for this year and my goal next year? Since my previous fasting coincides with the winter solstice, I will continue to do this in every change of the season meaning four times a year during spring & autumn equinoxes and summer & winter solstices. And of course I will continue to be more mindful with the way I eat and be more aware how my body feels after.

For those of you who want to try the same it is best to consult first with your doctor especially if you already have a pre-existing medical condition. As for me I followed my gut feeling, our body knows what is best for us. So have your own discernment.

Happy Holidays my friends! Cheers to a mindful eating!

Farewell Shanghai

The year is almost over and so is my stay in Shanghai. I will be moving to another place in China at the end of this year or early next year. It’s not my choice but I have to, because of some circumstances in my work. I know things are changing soon, but fear keeps me from moving on and I wanted to hold on a little longer.

I had an amazing two years experience in this place, where I had my spiritual awakening and met with like-minded people whom some of them were part of my soul group and they taught me a very valuable and unforgettable lessons in life. I had a hard time letting go of them and since I’m fully aware that I only had few remaining time left, I want to spend it with them as often as I can. My ego also expect the same from them, I wanted them to tell me that they don’t want to see me go and that we should make most of every moment. I want to create some drama with me leaving them. But the truth is, for them life goes on with or without me. Now I’ve learned rather how to appreciate every minute I spend with them and give them my 100% attention. I let them be them without any expectations from my side or any agenda to change them, I’m just being grateful for their presence. I also try to say things I really want to say.

Thank you all for being part of my journey. However brief our encounter maybe and whatever the reason is I will always treasure it. Forgive me for my frailties; I tried to do my best in each given situation while I was with you. I will take with me the lessons you have taught me and use it as a fuel to improve my life and become a much better person. I have to accept the fact that everything in life is passing. Everything changes, and with change comes another possibility. Another possible encounter, another lesson with another people.

So I guess this is it.

Farewell to all my friends in Shanghai…Until we meet again!

Namaste,

Janice

In Experiencing Mild Trauma

Yesterday after attending a brief NLP session, I decided to go to the park nearby the venue to soak with nature and reflect on my thoughts about the session. It was already getting dark and since it’s my first time to visit this park I decided to explore farther and I found myself walking in the pathways where there were only few people left or nobody was present at all. I am comfortable doing this at the park nearby my place, so I assume it’s safe to do it here as well.

Then as I was walking and enjoying my solitude, a man approaches me from behind and asks for the time. Which I found strange because I saw him holding his phone, does his phone doesn’t have time? But I set aside that thought; I pointed my watch and showed it to him since I can’t say the time in Chinese. Then he keeps on talking to me and I responded by saying “Ting Bu Dong” which means I don’t understand. But he was persistent and even gave his ID card to me. Since it’s in Chinese character I only understand the year of his birth which is 1973 and also saw some Arabic words. He told me his name, home town and religion which explain the Arabic characters I saw. He asked me to sit down with him in the bench which I was hesitant at first but I give in since my feet already felt tired at that moment. He lit a cigarette and started to take a photo of me and I told him not to do it but he won’t listen. I already felt uncomfortable so I told him I have to go which he opposed and since I was already standing that time, he hold me tightly in my arms and had me sit down in his lap and wrapped his arms around me and almost kissed me. As I was sensing what was going on, it’s as if somebody was telling me to “stay calm, don’t fight with him, just find the opportunity to get away from him and run.” And that’s exactly what I did. Good thing I jog two to three times a week so I run faster than him and he wasn’t able to catch me. And thank you for that voice who ever that was. Somehow I always had this knowing that I am always protected no matter what.

As I was approaching the exit gate I found myself smiling, I thought it was exciting. It was like a scene from a movie and I was able to escape from the bad guy. I even posted about it in my wechat moments.

But when I arrived home, I discovered some scratches in my hand that’s when things started to sink in and so many thoughts came in mind. What if he had a knife or any sharp object then, will I still able to escape? What is the Chinese word for help? (I really need to learn Chinese more). Am I too naïve and trusting? (I saw sadness and deep longing in that man’s eyes) Why do some people actually do such things? (This is the first time this kind of incident actually happened to me). How can I tell my mother about it without her worrying about me? Why do only few people seem to care for me? As I was checking my wechat and got only few comments. What do I need to learn from this experience?  etc, etc…

I never felt so alone this time and I went to bed last night crying so hard. I knew what I went through is nothing compared to those who are actually sexually assaulted, got raped or killed. But I also experienced trauma which I had to process on my own. I want to forgive that man and also myself for letting these things happened. Just give me some more time. I’m completely aware that within each person lies a deep sadness and pain which enables them to hurt other people. And I still want to believe in the goodness that is present in everyone’s heart. It’s always there within us.

Lastly I want to thank everyone who showed concerned about this incident. You don’t have any idea how much it means to me this time. I know I became a little bit needy and expecting care from all of you. This experience made me realized who are those people who truly cared for me and at the same time learned how to be more self sufficient and be strong by not expecting too much from people just because I was hurt and felt so vulnerable. I also learned to be more vigilant next time in my interaction with others especially with strangers.

I also had more awareness now with people who experienced or witnessed traumatic incidents in the past. It is one thing to hear these kinds of occurrences but it’s another thing to really experience it yourself.

Stay safe my friends..

In love and peace,

Janice