Yesterday after attending a brief NLP session, I decided to go to the park nearby the venue to soak with nature and reflect on my thoughts about the session. It was already getting dark and since it’s my first time to visit this park I decided to explore farther and I found myself walking in the pathways where there were only few people left or nobody was present at all. I am comfortable doing this at the park nearby my place, so I assume it’s safe to do it here as well.

Then as I was walking and enjoying my solitude, a man approaches me from behind and asks for the time. Which I found strange because I saw him holding his phone, does his phone doesn’t have time? But I set aside that thought; I pointed my watch and showed it to him since I can’t say the time in Chinese. Then he keeps on talking to me and I responded by saying “Ting Bu Dong” which means I don’t understand. But he was persistent and even gave his ID card to me. Since it’s in Chinese character I only understand the year of his birth which is 1973 and also saw some Arabic words. He told me his name, home town and religion which explain the Arabic characters I saw. He asked me to sit down with him in the bench which I was hesitant at first but I give in since my feet already felt tired at that moment. He lit a cigarette and started to take a photo of me and I told him not to do it but he won’t listen. I already felt uncomfortable so I told him I have to go which he opposed and since I was already standing that time, he hold me tightly in my arms and had me sit down in his lap and wrapped his arms around me and almost kissed me. As I was sensing what was going on, it’s as if somebody was telling me to “stay calm, don’t fight with him, just find the opportunity to get away from him and run.” And that’s exactly what I did. Good thing I jog two to three times a week so I run faster than him and he wasn’t able to catch me. And thank you for that voice who ever that was. Somehow I always had this knowing that I am always protected no matter what.

As I was approaching the exit gate I found myself smiling, I thought it was exciting. It was like a scene from a movie and I was able to escape from the bad guy. I even posted about it in my wechat moments.

But when I arrived home, I discovered some scratches in my hand that’s when things started to sink in and so many thoughts came in mind. What if he had a knife or any sharp object then, will I still able to escape? What is the Chinese word for help? (I really need to learn Chinese more). Am I too naïve and trusting? (I saw sadness and deep longing in that man’s eyes) Why do some people actually do such things? (This is the first time this kind of incident actually happened to me). How can I tell my mother about it without her worrying about me? Why do only few people seem to care for me? As I was checking my wechat and got only few comments. What do I need to learn from this experience?  etc, etc…

I never felt so alone this time and I went to bed last night crying so hard. I knew what I went through is nothing compared to those who are actually sexually assaulted, got raped or killed. But I also experienced trauma which I had to process on my own. I want to forgive that man and also myself for letting these things happened. Just give me some more time. I’m completely aware that within each person lies a deep sadness and pain which enables them to hurt other people. And I still want to believe in the goodness that is present in everyone’s heart. It’s always there within us.

Lastly I want to thank everyone who showed concerned about this incident. You don’t have any idea how much it means to me this time. I know I became a little bit needy and expecting care from all of you. This experience made me realized who are those people who truly cared for me and at the same time learned how to be more self sufficient and be strong by not expecting too much from people just because I was hurt and felt so vulnerable. I also learned to be more vigilant next time in my interaction with others especially with strangers.

I also had more awareness now with people who experienced or witnessed traumatic incidents in the past. It is one thing to hear these kinds of occurrences but it’s another thing to really experience it yourself.

Stay safe my friends..

In love and peace,

Janice