These past few days, I feel I need to clear some e-motion (energy in motion) in my auric field that I have been keeping under the rug. It takes a sprained ankle to finally face it. Running was one of my means to let go of any unwanted energy, but this time it fails to do the trick. I injured myself by pushing through my limit. So here I am taking a rest from it and finally facing myself.

So what is these all about?

I have been loathing myself lately. I have too much hatred towards myself for allowing myself to suffer, to be hurt and treated like shit by other people. I cannot stand thinking what I did to ME. Why I allow these things to happen? I’m so naïve, so giving and trusting. I never loved and respected myself, I always chose other people instead of standing up for myself. That’s because I am an Empath who feels and absorb other people’s energy. Added to that also, I never accepted myself and I thought having others like me (even if it means neglecting my own needs and disrespecting myself in the process) will get me into liking myself too. But of course the opposite happens, I’ve hated myself more and now that feeling haunts me. Most of the time I easily forgive others but have a hard time forgiving myself.

How can I forgive me?

I realized as long as I am alive and breathing, I will continually commit mistakes and will be hurt by other people. And hating myself will keep me stuck and unable to change. But by being compassionate towards me brings to surface the core issues, wounds and hidden beliefs that were the root cause of my mistakes/suffering and acknowledging them leads to healing and change. But before I heal, I need to feel the pain again which most of us are unwilling to do, that is why some problems like addictions or certain situations are recurring in our life. Sometimes it’s easy to play being the victim and blame others than taking responsibility of our own actions. But people around us just willingly play the roles we have assigned to them. Because the truth is, we are the creator of own reality and realizing this brings our power back to us. And from then, we can now decide to create a new reality that is more aligned with our soul’s purpose or desire.

Life is a matter of choosing to forgive ourselves over and over again from our past failures/mistakes and also forgiving other people from hurting us.  And making sure we learned our lessons and as much as possible try not to commit the same mistakes again. And then we let go of our story from the past, we leave it there and we also try not to be consumed about the future because we don’t have control over it. Now is the only thing that matters, because that’s all we had and it’s where action takes place. Be fully present my friends and let your Spirit/Higher Self lead you to where you should be at this very moment.

I wish you all healing and forgiveness towards yourself.

Always,

Janice