Spring Season and the Energy of Change

Before the spring Equinox I had my 3 day water fast again, as mentioned in my previous post that I commit myself to do this four times a year every time the season change. I felt great after this, I had more vivid dreams and visions appear in my meditation. I was having an awakening again, the energy entering in my body was so strong especially in my crown chakra and it makes me shake at night when I’m already laying in bed and I also have a series of headache and palpitations. I felt light and so full of bliss. Everything seems fresh and vibrating, the plants, flowers, sky and even the people around me.

Then came the difficult part I have to face after this experience. I had to let go of things that doesn’t serve me anymore. Which includes the limited beliefs I had that hinders me from realizing my potential, unhealthy eating habits, negative self talk, playing small and other self destructive habits.  This also includes people, places and material things that I’m holding on tightly but are no longer needed in my journey.  I have to let go of the old in order to make place for the new, so that change may happen and for my soul to grow and evolve.

But it keeps me out of balance because I am the type of person who hates change. Just like a child who stubbornly refuses to get out in a tub, I found myself kicking and screaming until I have no choice because there is a greater force that grabs me away from there. Yet sometimes I still manage to sneak and dip my toe in the water again but this time there is an increasing awareness that I need to get out of there quickly. Sometimes I follow that awareness, sometimes I don’t and even stayed longer.

This is the path I am right now; the energy of spring brings with us fresh start. Just like the flowers that bloom and plants that sprung this season. We have to grow, expand and show the world our true essence and potential. But it only happens when we embrace change and make room for new beginnings.

Are you ready my friends? Enjoy the spring, and don’t forget to smell the flowers!

Acceptance and Letting Go

In my previous article, I was aware that the silence that stood still during my introspection was just temporary. I trust that I will have the answer when I’m ready. Then after a few days, the word acceptance keeps coming to mind.

I realized most of the time we focus our energy asking why things didn’t turn out the way we wanted it to happen. There are lots of what ifs, could haves and should haves that are running in our mind.  We have a choice though to either dwell on those thoughts and drama or just accept things as it is and let go. If we continue to relive them on our minds, the same scenario will keep on manifesting in the future until we have the courage to acknowledge and decide to heal from them. As with my case, I didn’t accept the pain of losing my father and I always yearn for his love and presence. Asking God why it happened and what could our life be if he is still with us until now. I keep seeing myself as a helpless little girl whose source of fatherly love and protection was gone in just one night. My mind cannot decipher what happened then. Did I do something wrong, am I the reason of his heart attack?  That’s why I long for men’s love and affection. I eagerly welcome them in my life and will do everything for them. I hold on to them, but subconsciously I know they will leave me in the end. Then I cannot handle the pain of rejection very well and I keep on blaming myself until I am shattered into pieces. It’s a reoccurring event in my life. I feel embarrassed in admitting this but it’s the truth and I need to shed light on this.

I have learned that it’s okay to admit we are in pain, avoiding it by indulging too much in alcohol, food, sex, drugs or any kind of temporary pleasure doesn’t make it go away.  Attending retreats or joining several meditation or spiritual activities and feeling the bliss for a moment is ineffective without follow through and still denying our emotions. Projecting it to other people doesn’t help either. Most of the sufferings in this world are caused by blaming other people and refusing to accept responsibility for our own emotions. We can only do so much. Let’s end up playing the blame game and stop acting as a victim. We are always in control of everything inside of ourselves. Let’s embrace the pain, dig deeper, let it flow within our body and release it. Every emotion has a message for us, let’s welcome and learn from them. Sure, it’s not an easy thing to do. There are days that I still question God why He took my father too early from us. Sometimes I still blame and hated myself, I can’t see something lovable in me. My life sucks and I’m worthless. How I dreaded feeling the pain. Also being an Empath, feeling deeply than normal people intensifies the pain. I am always tempted to go for that momentary high and settle for something less just to ease the pain. Sometimes I failed, sometimes I succeed. It’s a never-ending journey of acceptance and letting go.

Right now, I’m accepting death as an inevitable phenomenon in life. People come and go, holding on to them will only stop the flow of life. There are some events in our lives that we don’t have control over. Just because somebody left you doesn’t mean you are not worthy of love at all.  I am picking up the pieces of me by learning how to nurture that love and affection within myself which I am always trying to fill by being with the opposite sex. I cannot expect it from other people if I don’t possess it myself. I accept myself as of this moment but also believe that I have yet to be the best version of me. I am appreciating myself more, looking for areas of improvement, doing things that I love, being true to myself, surrounding myself with like-minded and happy people, finding my worth as a woman and learning how to set healthy boundaries. I know it’s not an overnight process but I press on with my goals.

Maybe this is what it means by walking our spiritual path. We continue to evolve, face our issues and unhealed wounds, feel the pain and eventually heal. This is where the real battle is and we shouldn’t give up no matter how messy things may seem. It’s always worth it at the end.

Isn’t life exciting? And I’m just starting…

Namaste my friends,

Janice

My Views About Religion

I stop going to church.

For others reading this, it may seem not a big deal for them. But as a Catholic who always goes to church every Sunday, it’s something unusual and I can’t even blame my mother being upset about it. Before I thought religion is a significant part of every person’s life. Without it, life is of no value. In the small town where I grew up with especially, almost everyone meet at church every Sunday and it’s impossible for someone not to have a religion.

I was then following dogmas, traditions and practices without knowing the reason behind. I don’t question them because those have been passed down from generations to generations. But deep down in me, I am always bothered by the thought of God who at some point claims to loves me then one moment will cast judgment on me. It made me see myself more unworthy because of the sins I continuously commit. Not to mention being surrounded by individuals whom they think they have the right to judge me also.

When I went abroad, I was surprised to found out that most of the people I meet or have known doesn’t have a religion but they are practicing kindness and aware of this Universal love that bounds people regardless of their race and religion. It made me question my beliefs. If the bible or any sacred text for that matter teaches tolerance, loving and forgiving your enemy, why does religion causes discrimation and separation from people, or sometimes even war?

It was said that Jesus or Buddha doesn’t have a religion; they walk in this planet shining their light to everyone around them. Teaching about love and forgiveness but they never impose and condemn people.

My quest for God leads me to discover that spark of Divinity that was within me all along. I was a piece of God; I was never separated from Him. I can feel His presence every time I was sitting at the park surrounded by a wonderful scenery, or whenever I saw a smile from a child’s face or even from the presence of someone who have hurt me. God is everywhere and I can reach out to Him anytime. I don’t need to surrender my Power to a certain institution. I am free, and I can use my power to change the world in my own little way without being a slave to the matrix that was trying to control and suppress humanity for a very long time.

 

Feeling the Oneness

My friends can you feel the energy?

Recently there are big changes happening in our planet energetically. We are moving to a higher consciousness of reality. Many people are experiencing awakening and finding themselves letting go of all the beliefs that don’t serve them anymore. We are feeling the love coming from our Higher Self, Sentient beings and The Universe/Source/God. However it is also the time to really dig deeper within us and face our issues and fears. So that we can fully integrate into the higher dimensions of consciousness happening all around us.

The other day I was at the park, watching people enjoying the afternoon breeze. I hear the birds chirping, celebrating the arrival of spring. I watch the magnolia trees covered with its majestic flowers, what a wonderful sight! I feel the energy of the lovers sitting beside me at the bench, children playing and feeding the swan on the lake while their parents are looking after them. Elders sitting and relaxing at the benches watching people pass by. At that moment I feel the love and oneness of it all. It was very profound. I was alone yet feeling connected to everyone. I wanted to cry, hug everybody and tell them “Can you feel it people, Isn’t it beautiful and amazing? “. But I don’t want to sound crazy so I refrain from doing so. Aside from that my mandarin skill is very limited, they won’t understand what I’m saying. But somehow I wish I have the courage to do so.

I also saw this man in the street singing and playing with his guitar while people are listening and dropping money in his guitar case. What caught my attention is the joy that I saw in his eyes, he is singing from his heart and I can feel the love from his music. What a pleasure to hear! I wanted to dance and cry.

We all have a glimpse of this wonderful experiences in our everyday lives. It’s always there waiting for us to notice. It could be a hug coming from a loved one or even a smile from a stranger. Please don’t miss it..

On Being an Empath

I am an empath and it was just recently that I had a deep understanding on how it could affect my personal relationship with people and humanity as a whole. First let me define what an empath is, it means being able to absorb and feel exactly the emotions of certain people or places whom you interact with or where you’ve been to. And sometimes you may even get affected by the energy of the collective consciousness of the planet when something going on has a great impact on human kind. For example when you meet someone who is experiencing deep sadness he/she may not show it but you can feel his/her emotion of sadness and if you are unaware, you will take that emotion as your own and feel confused why you suddenly feel very sad for no reason at all. Or you may not feel better when you visited some places filled with negative emotions or came in contact with things that possesses negative energy (yes things has energy too, everything is made up of energy).

One time a friend of mine was talking about a bad experience she had with someone, I felt how deeply it affected her. And instead of her crying it was me who can’t contain my tears. I also meet someone for the first time and I can sense this strong feeling of infidelity which confuses me, later on he revealed that he cheated with his wife before. Another instance, just more than a year ago there was an stampede that happened on The Bund in Shanghai during the 2015 New Year’s Celebration where several people lost their lives. I went there a few days after it happened. And when I was standing at exactly the same spot where the incident happened, I suddenly felt like I’m choking up, I couldn’t breath, my chest felt so heavy and tears rolled down my cheeks. Back then I thought it was very strange. In retrospect I realized that I absorbed the emotions of the people who suffered in that stampede. Also just recently during the week long Chinese New Year Holiday (I am currently living in China) until Valentine’s Day I just felt this intense loneliness and fear, it seems like I am not my usual self. I was upset and sometimes became very emotional. I had a knowing that something is going on. Then I read an article about the energy shifts that are currently happening within our planet and causing fear for a lot of people and how it could directly affect empaths. And also there is a possibility that they would absorb the feeling of loneliness of the collective consciousness while celebrating national holidays like Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day, etc. Suddenly what I’m going through just made sense. Sometimes  also I cannot handle watching some news or movies showing cruelty, it just upsets me. On the other hand, when I am surrounded with happy people or I’m in a place filled with positive energy especially with nature, it brings me so much peace and joy. I could go on and on with lots of stories I had regarding my experience as an empath but I need to stop from here.

We are labeled as too sensitive because it’s different from “knowing” that a person is suffering from actually “feeling” his suffering. However we are an excellent judge of character. That’s why I find it hard to express myself when I am with other people especially with strangers or new acquaintances because there are so many things going on inside of me. Imagine having this “feeling” that that someone smiling next to you is just pretending to be happy but in reality she is lonely, while the other one on your left who talks a lot, felt so empty and craving for attention and the fellow at your back is also an empath, he is quiet but you can feel his strong energy. I cannot seem to handle it all at once and I just want to shut down and wish I’m at planet Mars, alone and surrounded by sand domes instead of people. I am oftentimes perceived as reserved or shy, I don’t talk much and have the tendency to be passive, people pleaser and hard to set boundaries with others. I don’t want to rock the boat, since I can feel the disharmonious energy not only in a superficial level but also in a very deep sense. Oftentimes I always find myself saying yes to other people’s request even though it means saying no to myself, since I can “feel” that they really needed my help and it will make them happy. But I am completely aware that being an empath and not to mention also my upbringing and issues (as described in my article What A Journey) are not an excuse for such a behavior. I am working on it right now.

Being an empath is a double edged sword. It’s a gift but it is also considered as a curse for some who are unable to handle it. When you find yourself in an overwhelming situation, it is important to remain centered and focus with your breathing so that you will not get carried away with the emotions around you. Learn to identify which energies doesn’t belong to yours, don’t resist it, acknowledge them. Breath in to them and imagine this loving energy within you, giving light unto them and transmuting it into a positive one, then breath it out completely. It is an opportunity to help and heal humanity. But first you need to heal and protect yourself also. Setting boundaries, learning to say no, working on your issues and spending some quiet time alone preferably in nature meditating and grounding yourself helps a lot.

It is during these times that empaths are needed to help heal the collective consciousness of our planet. I often belittle my capacity as an empath and question its value.. But now I am grateful and glad to share my gift in my own little way, without giving too much and destroying myself in the process. Imagine when all empaths will utilize their gifts for the good of humanity. I can see the earth illuminating and feel its energy becoming more vibrant!

Does being an empath resonates with you? Kindly comment below.

Spiritual Awakening (Part II)

This is a continuation of my previous article Spiritual Awakening (Part I)

It was in this place that I have so many realizations in life. I realized that I became somebody people told me who I am. And all my life I was holding on to their idea and would do anything to protect that image of myself that my ego created. I was not true to myself and hated myself for not being the real me. It was then that I actually started to ask if who I really was, what I wanted in life and what is the purpose of my existence. I question and examine all the beliefs I had with myself, with the people around me, with the society and with the religion I grew up with. My entire perspective changes, suddenly I found myself letting go of the attachments I had with material things, people or beliefs that are no longer relevant to me, at times I’m still struggling and learning from it. I came face to face with so many issues I had with myself, starting from childhood until I grew up as an adult. It was not easy and I am trying to heal from it slowly. (I described it in my article What a Journey)

My dreams are becoming bizarre that sometimes I think I am no longer dreaming anymore but rather I am traveling outside of my body. I also begun to notice the synchronicities that are happening around me. My sensitivities to energy became more potent and I can feel this energy entering at the top of my head and run all throughout my body. I became aware of this conscious presence that has been with me all throughout the ages. It is eternal, limitless and indestructible by the ebb and flow of life. Being one with it felt so peaceful and blissful, that even if I imagine a bomb will drop in front of me I wouldn’t be affected at all. I never felt so much love before. I also saw the oneness of everything with the Universe. That whatever you do to others or to yourself will also influence everything around you. There is no separation, everything is interconnected and love is the only thing that bounds everything on our planet.

This whole experience made me wonder what was going on with me. I research about it and discovered that what I have been going through is a sign of having “Spiritual Awakening”. I also found out that aside from being an energy sensitive person I have also the qualities of an “Empath”. That’s why I have the tendency to absorb other people’s emotion around me and sometimes labeled them as my own which confuses me emotionally.

My Spiritual Awakening changes my life, It made me aware of the things that I need to focus more. I became conscious of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being. I start meditating almost everyday and became more conscious with my eating habit. I also created my blog in order to share my experiences with other people.

My journey has taken me to some twist and turns in life and I am aware that this is just the beginning. There is so much more to learn, discover and experience. Internally I am still struggling with all my issues and I know there are lots of changes to be made. The irony of it all was that, when I turned my attention inward I was able to fully understand the world around me. What was going on outside of me was only a manifestation of the things that were actually happening inside of me. Within me exist a very integral part of the cosmos that also affects the entire flow of the Universe. If I am committed to walk my path and be truly align with my purpose somehow I am making a difference not only for my self alone but for the collective consciousness as a whole.

How about you have you experience the same? I would love to hear from you. Kindly comment below.

 

 

 

 

Spiritual Awakening (Part I)

As you notice in my previous articles I have mentioned already several times the term “Spiritual Awakening or Awakening”. But I never explain clearly or give further details about it. Maybe now is the right time. I remember trying to explain it to a friend but can’t truly grasp the right words to say. There is just too much going on that I don’t know how to described it. Hopefully through writing I can best explain how it happened to me. Please take note that each individual has a unique experience in having their own spiritual awakening.

Back then when I was still a child I am always amazed at the beauty of the moon and the stars above. The vastness of the sky makes me feel so small in size and I know that there is something more to explore in life. That what I am seeing is just a fraction of reality. I was also a sensitive child and sometimes would cry for no reason at all, I just want to release something but I don’t know what is that something. I also think that although physically I was born from my mother’s womb, there is part of me that neither born nor die and it already existed so many lifetimes before. The imminent presence of my deceased father at times when our family needed protection and his manifestations in our dreams, reinforces my belief that there is really life after death.

As an adult, I was consumed by the things that the society told me I should have and to be that someone that I should be. But even a seemingly good relationship or career does not satisfy that void or emptiness I felt inside my being. I yearn for freedom, a desire to explore the unknown. I want to know how the vastness of the universe above are connected with the journey of my soul. This time my interest for spiritual and paranormal topics increases and the term “Old Soul” just resonated with me. When I say “Spiritual” it’s not something about religion but rather more about the Universe that I found divine or sacred. There is also this deep knowing that I am here for a reason. My dreams are becoming more vivid, sometimes I can see in my dreams some people before I even meet them or an event before it happens. My intuition also became apparent, it seldom goes wrong but many times I have the tendency to set it aside. My sensitivity also grows stronger, oftentimes I absorb the emotions of those people who are close to me and know exactly what they are thinking or going through. I am also an introvert and notice that there are certain people or places that possesses an energy that overwhelms me. At that time I don’t have any idea what is going on with me and find it difficult to share with other people, I would rather keep it to myself.

When a job opportunity abroad knocks at my door, I eagerly welcomed it and had this feeling that this is the start of something. But it was not what I expected. It was a test of fire, I almost thought I was in hell. (I’ve written about it in my article Palau: A Detour). All my beliefs and idea of who I should be fell to pieces. I felt so lost, confused, raw and vulnerable. My ego cannot stand it, I fought and refuse to accept everything that had happened to me. I was having the “dark night of my soul”. And the more I resist, the more I suffered. I went home three months before my one year contract ends.

Back home, I started to think things over and realized that there is nothing I can do but to acknowledge what had happened and surrender to it. It made things easier and I believed there is a reason for all of these. I felt peace and the term “Awakening” keeps coming to mind but I really didn’t pay much attention to it. This time I decided I still needed to explore more about life and once again I found myself working in another country. (I shared my experience about this in my article China, Why not?)

To be continued in my next article Spiritual Awakening (Part II)..

Letting Go of all the Attachments

I love the place where I am currently based at, I am meeting a lot of wonderful people while also enjoying my solitude and I keep on discovering myself more everyday. I would never want this experience to end and to let those people go. But then I realized everything in life is passing. Those people, things or situation that makes you happy today, one day soon will become a source of your loneliness. The same thing also goes with the sadness you are experiencing right now, someday it will turn into a laughter.  You see nothing is permanent in this world.

Every relationship I have sooner or later will come to an end, my family and friends will go at some point in time, all material things will soon lost its value. Whatever I have physically is just a false perception of what society tells me who I am. It does not define me as a person, there is more meaning to life than that. Even my physical self will someday perish. But that doesn’t mean I need not to value them, I actually learn to appreciate them more and cherish each moment with them. I let them be who or what they are as of this moment. And when it’s time for them to go, I try to accept it wholeheartedly. I know it’s not an easy thing to do. It takes a lot of hard work, courage, healing and releasing to let go of all these things. In fact, I shed a lot of tears while having this realization. And at times I still find myself struggling to let go.

But there is freedom in letting go. And when everything is gone, nothing is left except my soul that is free from suffering of holding on to these things. The very core of my immortal existence, a benevolent being, so pure and divine. It is infinite and I can see it shining so bright surrounded by pure light in eternity. It’s home, loved and free! See you there my friends!

Accessing Our Inner Being

Have you ever tried meditating, sitting still, eyes closed, freeing your mind from any thoughts and just feeling and listening to your breath as you inhale and exhale? My friends, it is the now! the present moment. When you start practicing this simple breathing meditation for 5 minutes every day you will find yourself more peaceful and relax. As days goes by you can increase it up to 10 to 15 minutes. It’s all up to you. The best time to do this is in the morning after you wake up, because your mind is still free from any worries of the day.

When we are feeling more peaceful and relax, we can think clearly and ideas will come naturally. We can easily get rid of any negative thoughts. Our positive vibration will rise; our intuition will become more apparent. We can feel our body become more active and alive. Our energy will increase. We will get more attuned with our inner being, our subconscious, the core of your existence, your soul.

We all have a wonderful soul, so beautiful and unique. And it is our duty to nourish, nurture and honor it. We are an infinite being with so much potential, limitless, powerful and divine. You can be anything you want to be. It’s all within our reach and devoting 5 minutes of our time everyday is a good start.